Presidents are people too, you know. And (this may shock you) so are most actors.
Since Family Day in Canada coincides with Presidents’ Day in the States, we thought it’d be fun to look at a few actors who’ve played both roles and decide which fits them best. Can a President manage the country better than their family? Let’s find out in a ridiculous game we call...
“Family Man or President?”
1. Jack Nicholson
Jack Torrance in The Shining versus James Dale in Mars Attacks!
It’s Jack-Jack-Jack versus Ack-Ack-Ack. Maybe President Dale’s response to the violent Martian invasion wasn’t ideal, but was it really any worse than the fallout from Mr. Torrance’s writer’s block?
Verdict: Family Man. Sure, all work and no play made Jack Torrance a rather stern father figure, but President Dale was primarily responsible for the end of the world. We'll just play the numbers on this one.
2. Charlize Theron
Mavis Gary in Young Adult versus Charlotte Field in Long Shot
On one hand, Mavis Gary was a total trainwreck who learned a few valuable life lessons while trying to steal her high school boyfriend away from his family, and on the other … is a presidential hopeful who falls in love with the goofy, pot-smoking man-child she babysat decades earlier?
Verdict: President. This one’s pretty cut and dry. Charlotte Field’s ambition and ability to see beyond what’s on the surface will serve her well in office. Mavis Gary is talented and fiercely independent, but she’s still got a lot to learn. Plus: First Gentleman Seth Rogan.
3. Terry Crews
Hale Caesar in The Expendables Franchise versus Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho in Idiocracy
Hale Caesar isn’t just a mercenary with a perfect name—he’s also a father. Well, to his arsenal. Hale’s weapons are his children, and he holds them close to his heart. On the other hand, President Camacho is leading a less-than-inept version of society into a bold future that parties so hard, they don’t even need water. What could go wrong?
Verdict: President. Finally, a president who dresses the part! Sure, society has crumbled, and his citizens now brush their teeth with Brawndo Sports Drink instead of water, but President Camacho maintains an air of dignity befitting the office he holds. As this great leader once said, “We are running out of French fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.”
4. Harrison Ford
Indiana Jones in The Indiana Jones Franchise versus James Marshall in Air Force One
This is a hard choice: the Ark of the Covenant or Air Force FUN? Come on. I mean—sure, President Marshall goes through Russian terrorists like Kleenex, but Dr. Jones literally found the Holy Grail. To be fair, Harrison Ford is not to be trifled with in either role, whether his family is in danger at 35,000 feet or he’s competing with his father for the love of a German spy.
Verdict: Family Man. Ah, Venice! Let’s be honest, Indy gets it for the fedora alone. Not only that, he’s a good son to Henry Sr. and (eventually became) a good father to Mutt. He didn’t ask for a big family, but he sure got one. Now, that belongs in a museum!
5. Bill Pullman
Thomas J. Whitmore in Independence Day versus Thomas J. Whitmore in Independence Day
Trick question!
Verdict: Family Man and President. He's both. Thomas Whitmore is a president who saves the whole world for his family. And you want to know why there’s no debate on this issue...?
::clears throat::
“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. ‘Mankind’—that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution ... but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!’ Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!”
Not a dry eye in the house. Standing ovation. No notes.